I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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