Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Randomize