I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
