never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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