I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
