I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
