This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
