I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
