would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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