i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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