the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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