He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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