I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
