hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
