it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
