Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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