I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
