By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
