I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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