We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
