why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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