someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
nutella sex= disaster
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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