I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
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We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i out mim tonsoeep
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