I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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