laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
