i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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