Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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