I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
