if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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