i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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