Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She said her name was "party"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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