Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
