I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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