One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
