He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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