I think I died a long time ago.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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