My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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