Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
