Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
