I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
