Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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