If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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