If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
