we're blogging at a bar
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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