This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A bitchslap is in order.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
