She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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