i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
