things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
