Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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