1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
