She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
