What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
