I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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