You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
