wakey wakey hands off snakey
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
