dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
