I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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