I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
