i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you made out with another girl for some wings
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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