You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
