i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
