going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
