This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
