youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
