I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
honey bunches of taint.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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