walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
