I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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