is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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