she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize