I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize