Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
