You're my little dorito
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got inside last night via doggy door
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
