I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
