What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
