just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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