I just threw up on my dentist
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
